For years I’ve been unhappy with my teeth, I’m the one that pouts in pictures and looks miserable because I don’t smile. I just hate showing my teeth. They’re a little crooked but not hugely noticeable it’s the colour more than anything. I’ve been petrified of dentists since I was about 10, when I kinda bit my dentists finger and before leaving he shouted at me….see you when your teeth rot! Oh yes that did happen!! Last year I started having issues with one of my teeth and I started to get an abcess so o knew I had to do something about to. Luckily my sisters friend is a dentist and she pulled a few strings and managed to get me in with her. 6 months ago I was a nervous wreck jut walking into the room…now 6 months later I am choosing to go! I have bit the bullet and decided to do something about my teeth and make me happy and hopefully be able to smile! Friday o had imprints done for a brace. 6 months smile is a clear brace that you wear for 4-9 months depending on how much your teeth need to move then after it all you get your brand new straightened nashers bleached. I have to wait 5 weeks now for my braces to arrive from Washington. I’m so nervous and I think it’s going to hurt like hell but no pain no gain is what I’m saying! Mind you I think I’ll be taking myself off the dating scene for the moment I don’t think any man would want to date a 28 year old with braces do you haha!
So….I found myself back online the other day, yes that didn’t last long! Filled out my profile, added the pics and was pretty happy about it. A new start I thought! Until tonight when I saw star sign guy was online and he had written about wanting to settle down and him being ready blah blah blah! I know I didn’t know this guy for long and I know how stupid it sounds, yes I fall way TOO easy even when I know they’re not worth ANY of my time. I was gutted when I read his profile, saying he wanted to settle down when he had told me he didn’t want the ‘feelings’ to go with our sex! I know that ‘they’ tell you that that’s what a guy says when he isn’t in to you but it doesn’t stop it from hurting any less does it. So, another step back for this single girl and another deleted profile and dating apps. I need to concentrate on me, make me happy, stop thinking about a guy who isn’t thinking about me and only go back online when I am completely happy with me. Time to get in shape, time to eat and drink healthily, time to tan up and time to detox my mind and remember that not all guys are the same, My very own Mr Right is out there and until he finds me I’m using that time to get happy again! Back to the me I was before I got played by the guy I thought I could handle! Dating is hard, for every step forward there can be two steps back but eventually it will all be worth it.
Tomorrow I’m getting myself tested after finding out star sign boy was sleeping with a good few other girls as well as me….I was stupid and didn’t use a condom! I’m 28 for crying out loud and knew that he was seeing other girls I don’t know how I could be THAT stupid and not protect myself! I text him and said I was getting tested and when was the last time he was tested, I wasn’t horrible, I wasn’t blaming him for if i have caught anything after all it takes two to tango doesn’t it! He replied with ‘lol’ what the actual f?! I stupidly replied saying I’ve been nothing but nice (when I didn’t even need to be) there is no need to be like that. He then replied with ‘hahahaha’ wow this guy is an actual f-wit! I’m embarrassed that I thought he was a nice guy! How wrong was I! I couldn’t help myself, I had to reply this guy had serious issues and he was making me fume! I’d only text to see if he had been tested recently so that I didn’t have to worry as much, yes I know none of my business and maybe a little crazy lady of me but I wasn’t expecting this! I replied with ‘I was only asking, hopefully I won’t have caught anything from all the girls you’ve been sleeping with just to make yourself feel better about you!’ He replied with ‘so go about your life you peasant’ This guy is 29, he is currently sleeping with a 20 year old, among about 3 others. He forwarded messages from said 20 year old the other day who is quite obviously falling for him, and he doesn’t care! I’ve told him he should stop messing with her as she is only young and it isn’t fair but he thinks it’s funny! As you can tell he is quite the mature fello – like f he is!!! I text him saying ‘well this was fun’ he blocked me not long after! He blocked me! He blocked me! Who the hell does he think he is! I hope to god I haven’t caught anything off this guy mainly because of the other girls sakes as I don’t think half of them even know that he is playing them and it will brake the 20 year old to go through that! Not that they would find out because it doesn’t seem he is getting tested any time soon and he quite obviously doesn’t care or want to know about my results not that i expected him to. Lesson learned, always always always use protection and never ask a guy who is sleeping around if he has been tested recently, it’s obviously a touchy subject!
last night i decided to take a break from the scary world of online dating. I didn’t just log off out of pof, okcupid and match I actually deleted my accounts. That’s how fed up I was of the whole online dating scene! I know, I know people say you’ve got to be in it to win it but I’m pretty sure at this moment in time I don’t want to win anything that’s on those sites. The guys that message me are either complete and utter idiots or guys that aren’t my type. The ones that are my type which are few and far between because I’m very fussy and I just know when I’m gonna like someone seem to end up either being pen pals and wasting my time or complete and utter gobshites! I’m gonna take a break, see if Mr right finds me out in the real world, lord knows he ain’t gonna ask for directions so let’s hope he has a sat nav with my address programmed in! I don’t know how long my breaks going to last, online dating has a habit of realing you back in within 24/48 hours of logging off especially when you’re sat in your apartment feeling lonely and sorry for yourself! Oh man, I need to give my head a wobble and sort myself out I’m not in to self pitty I’m gonna have to woman up! So, today is my first day of Going on Internet dating strike! Let’s see how long I last!
For years I have had a small lump attached to my lip that ivevgated and wanted to get removed. Ice my there’d and mothered doctors who’ve always said it isn’t worth removing or that id have to go private. I was considering paying but I thought I’d give it one last go with then nhs. Finally in got to see a nice Dr who understood that even though it could be cosmetic it is also something that can make me feel self conscious so set in motion the process for me to have it removed.
Yesterday that date finally came! I was given local anaesthetic to numb my lip and then removed it which took about 2 mins. I feel fantastic, it’s amazing how or little tiny thing changing can make you feel better. I got in work today and my site manager commented on how I looked different then I told him about the lump not being there!
I’m a happy single girl now!
Ok, last night was bank holiday Sunday and with me being off today I thought it would be rude not to take advantage of the situation and get myself out! I met a friend in Wigan! It has been ages since I last went out so I was looking forward to a good girls night out with plenty of drinks, dancing and maybe a little bit of flirting! Oh how wrong was I. Ok, there was plenty of drinks, zero dancing and most definitely no flirting what so ever! The age of the people that were out was roughly 10 years old and I am not a pedofile. I’d had enough by 11pm but getting my friend to go home was a bloody job in itself! She has two kids and doesnt have a night out often so she was enjoying herself. I on the other hand was thinking why the hell am I out when i could be having a Chinese in my pjs! Not the mindset to have when I’m single, I know. But, seriously, I wasn’t going to find my Mr right in Wigan so I just wanted to cut my loses and leave! My vagina wanted sex, obviously thinking about star sign boy, my brain was still thinking how dare that f***er treat me like that and my heart was saying get me a 12 inch margarita! The night was over, I just had to get my friend to leave. I’m over nights out, especially ones in Wigan, next time we’ve decided to stick to Manchester were at least we know the men will be more our age and have something about them! I hate that it takes me a while to bounce back from a guy who’s f’d me over, even if it was kinda my own doing and I didn’t see him for that long! Next time, if someone suggests a night ‘out out instead of drinks in a nice bar in Manchester I’m gonna have to tell them I have a date……with Netflix!!
So, an update from my ‘confession’ post! I unblocked star sign boy and he text me not long after, a few texts went back and forth and then we didn’t speak. Until yesterday when I found that I was really really really in the need of sex! I text him! I know, I’m a complete and utter fool but I was thinking with my vagina! I ended up going round to his, omg this was the first time he went ‘down there’ on me and it was fantastic! My knees were shaking and I was begging for him to have sex with me. Sorry for TMI! Anyway, we had sex and again it was great! It’s not often that you get someone that you click so well with with sex and this guy had my vagina hooked! We only had sex the once, again! I spent the rest of the night upset and feeling like shit because he was lay next to me texting other girls and going on pof! I don’t know what he was trying to prove! I don’t know how he could change so much from cuddling the last time to this!! I couldn’t drive home because I had drank too much wine. I had to stay there he knew I was upset yet he still did it, saying how I was acting like I was attached. No, I was acting like someone who had been asked to stay over and now you were completely ignoring! I left for work this morning feeling tired from lack of sleep and upset! I was confused! I’m hurt because he was telling me he was talking to other girls whilst I was there and that he went for a drink with another girl before I went round his but at the same time I just want sex from him. I know it wouldn’t work. He text saying maybe it’s best we leave things because he saw me getting upset and he doesn’t want a relationship and to be dealing with the emotion side of it I said I was gutted and it’s a shame we both want different things as we did have chemistry and the sex was great. He text asking what I wanted and stupidly enough I said I wanted to be with him but I knew he didn’t want that. I then said that I wanted to have sex with him more than I wanted to be in a relationship with him, because, well as bad as that sounds for a girl to be saying it’s true. I don’t know why I said I wanted to be in a relationship with him because I don’t. I think my head was screwed up and now I’m not even going to have him sticking his penis in me!! Truth is, I want the sex with him but I also want the cuddles after like the first time I went to his for a ‘booty call’ I know that’s not what friends with benifts do and it’s no where near a relationship! It’s too late now so I’m left with a screwed up head, no guy to fall back on and no sex! I don’t know what’s worse!!